The subtle art of letting it go
It can be about a loved one, but unfortunately it is about my hair.
Our ancestors used to live in small communities. They never suffered from the pain of leaving their community or had to build the courage to let something go. Their choices were based on pain and pleasure. They married the first women they loved, and the idea of love was based on reproductive success and it’s all about bringing as many healthy children as possible to help their community.
We evolved as a species, and means of traveling became more convenient. The circle of people we know increased. Now, we are surrounded by much more choices than before. It gave us freedom but made our life more complicated. Love is not as simple as it was. We wrote dozens of thousands of books about how to live a “comfort” life, or how to find the “right” partner. We are struggling with making meaningful choices because no one knows what they want. We don’t even know what does meaningful choice means. So we invented terms like gut feelings and hunches thinking that it will help us make the “right” choices.
“when you are attached to a thing, not a thing which cannot be taken away but anything like a water jug, or a crystal cup, you should bear in mind what it is, that you may not be disturbed when it is broken. So should it be with persons; if you kiss your child, or brother, or friend… you must remind yourself that you love a mortal, and that nothing that you love is your very own; it is given you for the moment, not for ever nor inseparably, but like a fig or a bunch of grapes at the appointed season of the year, and if you long for it in winter you are a fool.” — Epictetus
I shaved my head to test my courage of letting something I love to go. It was a choice, but I can’t say if it is meaningful or not if it is the right choice or not. It had a purpose, but still, that doesn’t neglect the fact that I don’t know if it is the right choice or not. I wanted to free myself from something that I was obsessed with. I was so obsessed to the extent I used to use those two phrases “My hair is 90% of my appealing”, and “My hair and brain are the only assets I have” to comment on my look. A friend of mine said to me “I can’t believe you did that! You literally used to look at your hair whenever you see a reflective surface”. There were days where I did not go out because my hair was not good enough. Sometimes I had to cancel some plans. I used to spend a lot of time taking care of my hair, time that I could have invested in something useful. So you can imagine how hard was for me to shave my hair, but I did.
I remember when my hairstylist looked at me, and went
“Are you sure you want to do that? I will feel bad if I cut your hair like that”,
and I said “Yes! I am sure”
She was shocked and even asked me this question three times.
“Life is a balance between holding on and letting go” — Rumi
Shaving my head was a beginning of a new chapter in my life. A chapter to be a better version of myself, and a reminder to cut one of the heads in hydra inside of me. The idea of not being attached to anything or anyone, and nothing can have power over you is satisfying, because nothing lasts.
That applies to people, too. Sometimes we meet that one person. We had the instant connection, and the chemistry, but the timing was wrong or you weren’t compatible enough. We believed It was meant to be. We were obsessed with them, but it did not work out, then we will have to build the courage to let it go, to move on, and begin a new chapter in your life.
“Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by the lack of meaning and purpose” — Viktor Frankl
To not repeat the same mistake again, instead of attaching myself to material desires, or a person, I redefined my purpose and attached myself to it. It taught me how to let something go, but we will never know if it is the right choice or not.
